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By Eric Spitznagel

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Extra resources for Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice

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I’m telling you, man, it seriously feels like it. Should I get one of those stress tests at the hospital just to be on the safe side? Phil Glendale, CA Dear Phil: Have you considered getting a pet? Yrs, Dave Amy Sedaris Dear Amy: Last summer, my wife and I inherited three hermit crabs from her eight-year-old nephew when he went to camp. It’s been six months and we’re still stuck crabsitting. I’m worried that if I flush them down the toilet, they’ll morph into supersized megacrabs, crawl back through the pipes, and seek revenge.

I regret that thing is gone. It defined me. I was eight years old but because of that mole I could get away with smoking a pipe and no one would even care. So, location. Zach • • • Dear Zach: How did the wishbone become the wishbone? It’s kind of gross that it’s in the turkey’s neck. Maybe you could start a tradition with the wish potato peel. That sounds more humane and animal friendly. People’s wishes should not depend on a turkey’s mortality. What do you think? Emily Hache Dudley, GA Dear Emily: I agree that using an animal’s body part for your own hopes and dreams is a bit cruel.

I called them one time and asked them, and they chewed me out pretty bad. Thank you for asking about Fanta. You made my day. Have you seen Logan’s Run? Dave • • • Dear Dave: I think my boyfriend has more than just a literary crush on Sheila Heti, which is troublesome since her latest book is all about blow jobs AND because my boyfriend and I are attending a workshop that she’s teaching this weekend. How should I act at the workshop? Sindee M. Chicago, IL Dear Sindee: Well, I got your letter a few months after you attended that workshop with Sheila.

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